I think way too much. Too often. Mostly late at night. I think about people, and places I have been at yet to go to.
Tonight I thought about two things mostly, and somehow they coincided.
The first: How and why people leave or stay.
People walk in and out like seasons. Slowly changing, sometimes quick storms that fly in and out of our lives. But each leaves us with something. It’s a matter of discovering what, however. Perhaps they provided us with a new sense of self, or even just a moment of hope. Perhaps they gave us years of love and dedication, or a split second of jealousy and anger. Only so we can learn how to cope with those types of things. I spend too much time wishing people would stay, but what I have failed to realize is that they aren’t meant to. They were only meant to grace my life for the time they were there for. No need to question or beg for more. They came, and they left. It’s simple.
The second: My Birthmother
A woman of strength who was my age when she had me gave me a better life. A selfless woman, who I have not yet had the privilege of knowing or speaking to. She never took the easy way out, so neither will I. I will always fight. Someone who I barely know; someone who has only been in my life for the 9 months she carried me until I was born. This person holds so much significance.
I haven’t been ready until now to speak to her. This week I will be calling her.